Macho

posted by Alan
click on pictures to see them full size

Before you read this post, just note that I am not confused, nor wavering on my manliness…

vs.

After watching Fast 5 yesterday (which I enjoyed very much), it got me wondering. Girls in Shanghai see girls in western movies and seem to be influenced by the way they look, act, etc. Guys on the other hand.... I was once told ‘In Shanghai, girls aren’t attracted to guys with muscles because it means you have to spend time in the gym, which means you’re not focused on making money.’ This is a city where it’s common to see skinny guys with tousled hair, wearing capris and carrying man purses. Shanghai women have the stereotype of being “li hai” which means fierce, while the men are stereotyped to be submissive. It’s hard to argue when you see guys holding the girls hand on one side and her purse or frilly umbrella in the other. It’s weird to say this, but I try to exude a sense of masculinity. I think as Americans, we’re conditioned as men to be big, tough and assertive. Most of you reading this are from there, so you know what a picture of masculinity looks like. It makes me wonder what they think of when they see that here. Do they not recognize it? Do they see it, but dismiss it? Or do they say ‘Ew, who would want to be like that?’



What I’m about to say is merely my personal opinion. Feel free to disagree with me. We can still be friends.

I’ve wondered if I should concede to the different culture and accept that this is what manhood means here, but I can’t do it. I believe it’s not a cultural thing, it’s an inherent thing. I believe that men SHOULD be masculine. Men and women are different and it’s meant to be that way. There is room in masculinity for patience, sensitivity and compassion. But we should also be bold and firm in what we believe and not be afraid to make tough decisions and assume responsibility for them. We should command respect.

Of course, these are stereotypes and not ALL men here fit the description. I know some local chinese guys that are as manly as any red-blooded, meat-eating American. But I feel that in general, the guys in Shanghai need to man up. I will now step down from my soapbox.

Modern Family

Posted by Alan
Click on pictures to see them full sized


Grandchildren and Great-Grandchildren (minus Daisy and Janie)
In 1911, Chen Fung Yeu was born in Tai Shan, China. 100 years, 6 children, 18 grandchildren and 25 great-grandchildren later, on April 24, 2011, 120 of us gathered in Queens, New York to celebrate the matriarch of our large and awesome family.


Family portraits; Granddaughters


While much of the family is based in New York, dozens more came in from Canada, Boston, California, Hong Kong, Georgia and me from Shanghai for this reunion, hosted by her grandchildren, headed up by my cousins Shirley and Jennifer. It was years in the making and when it happened, it was pretty incredible that everyone was actually together in one place.

Granddaughers and Grandsons

Restaurant Takeover


I always knew our family was pretty special. I’ve always appreciated how we truly enjoy being with each other and no matter how far or how long it has been since we’ve seen each other, we still feel close. This weekend gave me a new appreciation for the gift of family. Thanks to all of my cousins for making it happen.

The Grandchildren

"A yute? What is a yute?"

posted by Alan
click on pictures to see them full size

A free pat on the back for anyone that can tell me what movie that quote is from.


Just five days after we got back from our NY trip, we left Shanghai for the Shanghai Community Fellowship Youth retreat for the second year in a row. Over two hundred international middle and high school students, one weekend, ICBC Bank corporate retreat site and guest speaker, Pastor Jeff Pratt. I served again as a counselor and workshop leader, while Daisy was mostly there for support and Janie duty.




There is a term for kids who are born and grew up overseas. They're called Third Culture Kids (TCK's). They're citizens of one culture, but grew up in another, sometimes leaving them not feeling like they belong to either, thus forming their own. It's not good or bad, it's just different (cue ABC afterschool special music.) It can lead to some identity and social struggles, especially as TCK's are in their high school/college years and try to assimilate to one culture. But it also takes away the sense of entitlement and self-centered thinking that you see in many American teens today. These kids seem to understand that the world doesn't exist to cater to them.




Nobody knows the future, but there is a real chance that Janie will be a TCK. While I do think about the adjustments and challenges that she might have to deal with, part of me is kind of glad she won't be bombarded with the Jersey Shore, the Kardashians and the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Either way, if she grows up with the maturity, passion and broad view of the world of these teens we spent the weekend with, I'll be a happy daddy.

American Football

posted by Alan
click on pictures to see them full size

Yes, outside of the USA, it must be referred to as "American football," with "football" actually meaning "soccer." Why couldn't we have just called our version of football "soccer" and avoided this entire mess?

Semantics aside, a friend asked me to be a coach for an American football clinic last month sponsored by NFL China and Under Armour. The main draw was Ed Wang, rookie offensive lineman for the Buffalo Bills and the first NFL player of full Chinese descent. His parents were both Chinese Olympic athletes before moving to Virginia, where Ed grew up and became an All-American at Virginia Tech. If you don't know American football, the offensive line is made up of giant freaks of nature, whose job is to protect the quarterback and make room for running backs. Ed is about 6'5 315lbs and has hands the size of baseball gloves.





The clinics themselves were alot of fun. It was with the first full-pad, full-contact peewee league Chinese football team in the country. They were put together and coached by an American guy and they play against the other international teams in Shanghai. The Chinese parents really like that it makes their kids tougher and it was fun being around that little league atmosphere again. And the kids love it as well. Especially during the Oklahoma drill. One kid with the ball, one kid tries to tackle him head on. They totally went at each other and it was awesome.


Click here to see the full album: NFL China Clinic with Ed Wang

I don't know if any of those kids are going to be the Yao Ming of the NFL one day, but it's definitely a start and was alot of fun to be a part of.

March

posted by Alan
click on pictures to see them full size

What a crazy past month it's been for our little family. As mentioned last post, we made a last second decision to visit home for almost the whole month of March. There was just too much going on during April/May, which is when we originally planned to bring Janie back for her first visit to New York. That's the real reason, not because the NCAA Tournament was going on. Honest...

It was an awesome trip. I'll sum it up in a few words: food, family, friends, football, basketball, food. But as always, pictures say much more:






Click here to see the full album: Janie in NY

Thanks to everyone for making the effort and time to visit and arrange get-togethers. Especially to the Grandparents for hosting us and taking such good care of Janie. It took a little effort to un-spoil her, but I'm sure she's looking forward to more of it soon. It was a joy to see how much everyone loved her.



P.S. Baby jetlag sucks.

Gongs in America

posted by Alan
click on pictures to see them full size

So Tuesday night in Shanghai, Daisy and I realized that the most possible time we would have to bring Janie back to New York to visit was RIGHT NOW. Wednesday was a mad scramble, and Thursday we arrived at JFK. Spontaneous and kinda crazy, but you get used to that sort of thing living in China.

Everything is OK, it was just such a sudden decision because we wanted to be able to spend as much time here as possible. No other reason. Because it was so quick, we had no time to bring back gifts or make many plans with anyone, so get in touch! We're excited to see everyone and eat food that we missed... not necessarily in that order.

We'll be in NY/NJ until Sunday, March 27th. To reach us, send an email to me or Daisy. We'd love for you all to meet Janie.

Children Beware

posted by Alan
click on pictures to see them full size


Someone once told me that during baby raising time, the years go by fast but the days go by slow. Since it's true that the days are pretty long, id assume that soon the months will turn into years and Janie will be reading and watching and listening to all types of child-friendly entertainment. We've already collected a decent amount of material in preparation and have been previewing some of it. Maybe my decades of living in this morally corrupt world has robbed me of my innocent way of appreciating things, but I had a few issues with some of what I saw.

Let's start with a classic Disney tale of love, lobsters and red hair. I already can hear some of your reactions. "i LOVE the Little Mermaid!" I'm sure you do, but I doubt she loves you back. She doesn't even love HERSELF! The heroine of this fairy tale is a beautiful princess who is obsessed with changing her body so that she could be with a boy. Sorry to dump on your favorite movie, but what message is this sending to our little girls??? Why couldn't she remain a mermaid and demand that he love her for who she is? The happy ending came when she finally got what she wanted and magically became something that she wasn't born to be. In today's world, we don't have magic, we have plastic surgery and Ariel wouldn't have a movie, she'd have a reality show on VH1.


If this is Janie in 15 years, we did something wrong.
Next on the chopping block is a book that we received as a gift. Daisy actually pointed this one out as she was reading it to Janie. Yes, I see the sweet, intended message of the story, but it's still odd. I'll let you decide for yourself:

Starts off innocent. A mother loves her baby and rocks him to sleep. When he's 2 years old, she sneaks into his room and if he's asleep, she picks him up and rocks him as well.

But then, when he's a teenager, she crawls into his room and if he's asleep and doesn't know it, she rocks that "great big boy back and forth." Then after he grows up and moves out on "dark nights, she got in a car and drove across town."

"If the lights were out, she opened his bedroom window, crawled across the floor and if he was really asleep, she rocked that great big man back and forth." In the end, the son rocked his mother back and forth. Funny, no mention of a wife.


Forgive the cynicism of this post. In today's age of psychological instability, image problems, sexual predators and political correctness overload, maybe some things just don't translate as well over time. Shoot, have you ever seen the classic movie Breakfast at Tiffany's? If you have, I don't even have to explain what parts of that movie would cause race riots today. Nevertheless, to make up for my sometimes overly-analytic mind, Janie has Daisy, who can enjoy just about anything that she watches or reads. I guess I'll just take her outside to play.